Come with me if you want to live (updated)

I was flippin channels last Friday night while I ate dinner alone before heading to my cousin's to watch the Sonics/Suns game (yes, that's NBA, professional basketball, it is great) and I reflexively hit up The Comedy Channel. To my immediate displeasure, Mad TV was on. I consider this show generally inept, but almost concurrent to my recognition that I was watching Mad TV and that I hated Mad TV was the warm realization that they were parodying Arnold in "The Terminator". Now, I hold the Terminator series in high regard, and I consider T2 to be the finest action movie of the nineties. So, suffice it to say, I was drawn into pausing for more than a moment.

The Terminator was rising from a crouched position. He was wearing no clothes. Obviously, he had just transported from the post-apocalyptic future to whatever time he was now in. I wonder why they always tranport naked. I'd always assumed it was because clothing could not survive the arduous ordeal of time travel, but, really if time travel was that inhospitable, how is it that the Terminator's hair survived? Would the the Terminator be able to transport wearing clothes made of fur? I want to see Terminator 4 emerge in the present day rocking a full coat made from a Grizzly Bear. It would be even better if he happened upon a PETA demonstration that attacked him, his only recourse being executing every last one of them using a broken mop handle from a picket sign, and then slapping Pamela Anderson's dumbass.

Getting back to the show, the Terminator appears to be in a sandy environment. He looks ahead of him to see three robed men walking towards him. He begins to scan them for garb that would fit his dimensions. Mad TV pulled out all the stops here, they mimicked the Terminator's scanning graphics admirably. You know, he has a mesh shape of separate body parts that he tries to match to potential donors. The three men approach even as the Terminator identifies a suitable match. By now, it's crystal clear where and when the Terminator is. He stands before the Magi. "Your robes--give dem to me"

I was gonna narrate a personal account of what I saw that night, but I found a link to the transcript of the sketch, and it is hilarious:

http://forum.planetmadtv.com/showthread.php?s=0a17e9fffcc63f41b7beb56c3966019d&threadid=1310

I was pleasantly surprised to find Jesus portrayed as aware of the plan for his betrayal, cruxifiction, and death, more so because as I watched the show, part of me was dying of laughter, but there was an apprehension caused by awaiting to see the inevitable OFFENSIVE blasphemy that would prod me to changing the channel.

But I didn't change the channel until after the sketch, and I was laughing so hard I couldn't continue eating. The best part occurred as I thought about what I just saw. Part II later...

Part II

I suggest clicking on the link above and reading a transcript of the Mad TV sketch I saw last Friday. The title of the sketch is "The Greatest Action Story Ever Told" and features the Terminator putting slugs in three Roman soldiers creepin on the come up on Jesus, among other heart-warming scenes.

Watching this show reminded me of some of my daydreams when I was young. I was constantly daydreaming. My imagination had a Hemi under the hood, which was a two-edged sword, as far as my parents were concerned. On one hand, I read everything I could get my hands on, and taking me to the library was cheap entertainment for a couple of days. On the other hand, my imagination led me into some devious schemes and augmented my bold-faced lying skills.

I often dreamed I was a hero with superhuman abilities that were inspired by comic books or movies. I can roughly place the particular daydream that was stirred into memory by Mad TV, because I was imagining myself to be a swoll superhero that controls electrical energy. "Oh," you may be thinking to yourself, "He thought he was Raiden, from Mortal Kombat." You are damn wrong.

I pity anyone who make this spurious correlation, because it would mean that they probably never viewed the ground-breaking film entitled, "Big Trouble in Little China" starring Kurt Russell and some classless woman that recently played one of the diseased tramps in "Sex and the City". Anyone who was fortunate enough to see this magnificent work, but still thought of Raiden before the lightning warrior in "Big Trouble in Little China" is truly an object of scorn, because this person did not realize that Mortal Kombat came out in either 1991 or 1992 (it came to my SNES in 93) while BTILC blessed the masses in 1986 via the silver screen, and that the Mortal Kombat creators bit the idea for Raiden from this masterpiece. So, I conclude that this imagining took place shortly after the time BTILC made network television, because we surely didn't have cable back then.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090728/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9YmlnIHRyb3VibGUgaW4gbGl0dGxlIGNoaW5hfGh0bWw9MXxubT1vbg__;fc=1;ft=2

Well, in this daydream, I was the lightning warrior from BTILC. The reason I needed such extraordinary powers was a simple one, at least back then. I wanted to rescue Jesus from the cross.

Part III to follow