Liberty

On the heels of an inaugural address that has been dubbed 'The Freedom Speech,' comes one of the great victories for liberty in modern times. Today, Victor Yushchenko was sworn in as President of Ukraine.

If you are familiar with his story, you know that it is a fantastic one (both in the sense of 'wonderful' and 'bizarre'). If you are not familiar, I will give you some of the highlights that are sure to appear in the cinematic version of this story (which I hope to see in my lifetime).

Before there came the attention of the world media, Victor Yushchenko was doing what lovers of liberty have done for a good long time: pissing people off. He was prime minister for a while under the president that he just replaced, but he got fired back in 2001. That president dude (his name is Kuchma) is a reeeeeally sweet guy who one time just happened to mention that this one super critical journalist reeeallly needed to stop writing stories about him, and it so happened that this journalist had an accident a little later where his head fell off his neck, possibly with the help of a saw of some type. Anyway, Victor was a regular Bobby Kennedy in this country fighting the Ukrainian equivalent of the mafia and actually enforcing the tax code on the fairly corrupt energy companies.

Then everything got all Tom Clancy. He decided to run for President and he was doing really well against this other dude who was like the protege for the Kuchma guy who was president at the time. That guy's name is Yanukovych, but that's not important. Anyway, in September, some dudes slipped some dioxin in his soup and they ended up raising his dioxin level to over 6000 times the normal level. Does Victor go down? Uh, let me think about it... Oh wait. I remember. He said, "GET UP OFF ME, I HAVE A COUNTRY TO LIBERATE." so he just went ahead and didn't die like those commie scumbags wanted him to. Oh, and Victor is pretty pro-West but Yanukovych and his cronies are mostly the 'Communism: let's give it another chance' party. Well, mostly they are loyal to Russia but whatever. So, anyway, Victor was running around whooping this other guy because he managed to get money from pro-Western people and middle class folks to finance his campaign. So, Yanukovych and gang (hereafter, 'The Dirty Communists') decided that their best option was to engage in massive voter fraud. They were successful at this and 'won' the election in November. It's ok though, because THOUSANDS of people decided that wasn't very cool and so they just went ahead and shut down the city of Kiev for days with huge protests. The whole thing then went to the Supreme Court of Ukraine and eventually they decided to have a new election in December. In the meantime, people were asking The Dirty Communists a lot of questions about who did what and when with all of the election stuff, and some government official who was loyal to Yanukovych ended up with a bullet in his head. It was ok, though, because it must have been a suicide (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Anyway, they had another election and Yushchenko won by 8 points. Yanukovych tried to make some noise and whatnot but the Supreme Court wasn't trying to hear that nonsense. So, a couple of weeks later, here we are.

I think I speak for us all when I say - SUCK IT YOU DIRTY COMMUNISTS. You know, blogging can be an incredibly cathartic experience.

Score one more for liberty. Tyranny loses again. Victor Yushchenko is the new President of Ukraine.