Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The best first baseman on earth


Big Smooth

Derrek Lee was bored and he wanted to get home to eat dinner with his family. So he stepped to the plate in the bottom of the tenth, took one swinging strike just to warm up, then proceeded to to toy with Heath Bell for 10 pitches, including fouling off 5 straight just because he could, then rockin the 11th pitch into the bleachers for his NL-leading 10th bomb. Get off him.

6 comments:

matt said...

how long do the Cubs have Derrek Lee signed for?

Oneway the Herald said...

Never again, bensheets! You stole Matt Stairs from the Cubs already, haven't you had your fill?

matt said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
matt said...

hey oneway,

Just when I think, "Surely this person has reached and encapsulates the limits of Internet tedium" you go and push the boundary even further. Dullard, do yourself and everyone else a favor: disconnect your computer from the Internet.

Are you normally this dumb or are you just having a blonde moment? Clearly, the full area of your ignorance is not yet mapped. We are presently only exploring the fringes of that vast expanse. A long period of non-posting would be most welcome on your part. To quote Thomas Brackett Reed: "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if you weren't intellectually outclassed by dead sheep; if your weren't so fat that when you walk down the street, everyone yells "Earthquake!", or if you didn't have a face so ugly that Peeping Toms break into your house and close the blinds. Nah, of course you would.

In closing, why don't you put your glasses on backwards and walk into yourself?

[Note that the above hilarious insult was randomly generated from www.insultmonger.com]

AJ said...

Hmm. Really hilarious insults are pithy and devastating but not labored. Plus, its essential that they can be ripped off in one or two sentences...spur of the moment, you know.

Oneway the Herald said...

Hey Ariel, where's Flounder? I didn't know they had pc's underwater. Or do you rock a Mac?