As you may or may not be aware, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan resigned today. I have decided that a new career is in order for the_dude, so I'm starting my campaign here. What follows are my best reasons for becoming your next White House Press Secretary:
#10. I have less face chub than Scott McClellan.
#9. I will regularly threaten to label difficult journalists as enemy combatants and have them sent to Gitmo.
#8. Does the phrase "White House Press Correspondents' Karaoke Night" mean anything to you?
#7. I follow the Donald Rumsfeld approach to answering questions: ask a stupid question, and I'll make sure you feel that way.
#6. Friday press conferences = jeans, T-shirt, sandals, and no shaving.
#5. I will regularly and incessantly refer to the Counter Terrorism Unit as if it were a real government agency, but will dodge all actual questions about it for reasons of "national security."
#4. I just got a new suit and I need an excuse to wear it.
#3. I have practiced pronouncing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I'm getting really good at it.
#2. Heads Up Seven Up games 15 minutes before every briefing.
and the number one reason why I should be the next Press Secretary of the United States:
#1. One step closer to my dream job: spokesman for Tom "The FreakShow Placenta Eater" Cruise.
6 comments:
You'd be great, but then you'd have to not wear jeans and sandals Monday through Thursday.
Teresa
Yes. When you get the job, please answer Helen Thomas's questions with, "What? Are you still alive?"
I'll totally vote for you. When's election day?
If you were press secretary I'd go back into journalism!
Can I get a press pass?
Mmm heads up seven up =)
-es be
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