It's about gender

I have heard the argument that homosexual marriage is not about civil rights because every person a straight man is legally allowed to marry a gay man could also marry. A strict interpretation of the law that does not take into account what people "want" to do would say that the law is applied equally. There is no person that a straight man could marry that a gay man could not marry. However, there is a disparity between who men can marry and who women can marry. There is no person that a man can marry that a woman could also marry and vice-a-versa. There is segragation here. Men and women are considered separate but equal under the law. They are not afforded the "same" rights, they are afforded "equal" rights.

This is in complete agreement with the traditional/conservative notion that men and women are equal although they are not the same. It is a more "liberal" idea to believe that the sexes are not only equal but the same. I say "liberal" because I don't think there is anything more liberal or free-thinking about the idea, but it is more in line with a particular set of beliefs that we have come to classify as "liberal".

In regards to the boy scouts, the military, and just about any other organization where homosexuals have been denied access, the problem is that homosexuals do not fit into the concept of gender. Sex is the physical parts that men and women have, gender is about the character, roles, and responsibilities of the two sexes. While homosexuals fit into the sexes, they don't fit into the genders. Since sexual preference is such a fundamental part of our concept of gender, it becomes almost impossible to divide homosexuals and straights by sex and by gender.

***edited 11/8/2006

Two quick examples:
If your local pool has a locker room with showers that don't have dividers, where should homosexual men shower? If with the men, won't this make the other men uncomfortable? If with the women, won't this certainly make the women uncomfortable? If it is okay for homosexual men to lead boy scout troops, is it then okay for heterosexual men to lead girl scout troops?

***end edit

In the last few posts, including this one, I have tried to be non-judgmental. I am not trying to make judgments as to what is correct, I am merely trying to explain reality in a way that is not usually covered. The "media" prefers jargon and deception over reality and clarity. Reality is uncomfortable. Discomfort makes people change the channel.

So here are the solutions that I see society chosing:

1) The boy scouts chose to divide by sex and by gender, and those that cannot be divided by both are excluded.

2) The military choses to divide by sex and by gender and forces those that don't fit the gender mold to keep quiet about it. If no one knows that PFC Smith is gay, they will not be uncomfortable around him, and the only one that will be uncomfortable is PFC Smith.

3) Many organizations divide by individual persons: private dressing rooms, private showers, private everything. I would say that this approach ignores sex and gender distinctions.

4) The last option is to completely erradicate sex and gender altogether. I do not mean that sex and gender are ignored, I mean that they are denied. Here are two examples. At the U of M incoming freshmen can sign up to be paired with a random opposite sex roommate. New York City recently passed legislation that allows residents to change the "sex" on their birth certificate. There are countless books that seek to prove that sex and gender are wholly social constructs and can be denied and forgotten.